High School Never Ends

I woke up last Friday and the first thing I said was "I don't want to teach!" To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I was so So SO nervous. And it didn't really help that Kelsey, the girl that was teaching with me, has known since the day she was born that she was going to be a teacher and had been waiting for this day to come forever. She was so ready and wasn't nervous at all. She is super ambitious especially when it comes to teaching. And there is no doubt that she is going to be a phenomenal teacher. Heck, she could probably take over now and be one of the best. (Although, I definitely was grateful for that when the we were actually in front of the classroom teaching. Some of her confidence must have rubbed off on me). 

The first class was great! They were really respectful and attentive and that really made things easier. I was still pretty nervous at the beginning, but after a few minutes I started to loosen up and it started to run a little smoother. 

But then we had lunch and a whole 45 minutes for me to rack up all my nerves again. I was kinda dreading teaching it again. Then, when we got to class, it was obvious that the entire classroom dynamics had changed. There was a group of football players all huddled together on the right side of the class laughing and making jokes. Some cheerleaders, jocks, the whole shebang. And I have no idea why, but that whole scenario made me super nervous. I could tell that the second time around did not go as well as the first, mostly because of my nerves and the class was not near as respectful and courteous as the first class. But as we were leaving, I still felt that the experience was good. Obviously in real life, you are going to have class periods that run smoother than others and I was okay with my effort. It was my first time teaching in front of a classroom like that and I was not expecting to be anywhere NEAR perfect. 

For whatever reason, I let myself think as the day went on that it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth putting my self through the nerves every single day. And I was exhausted after just teaching two class periods. When I got home I laid on the couch and told Brent I was going to change my major. I told him what I was thinking and asked him the same question I had been asking myself: why would I want to do that to myself every single day? 

Brent's answer to me was something I have known all along. In fact, thinking about it now, I don't know how I could have forgotten that answer even if it was only for a few hours. Why would I do that to myself? For the chance that I have to inspire a student and to help them become a better person. To be a good influence and to help them find something that they love and are passionate about (even if it's not the subject I teach or the subject any other teacher in the school teaches). I know that I have to be realistic and understand that I cannot save them all. But I can do good and hopefully my influence will inspire someone to reach their potential. That's why I (and thousands of others) choose to put ourselves through it. And plus, with time, the nerves will get better :)

Something to add to my "teacher scrapbook." The first classroom I ever taught in :)